September 9 2014 Apple Live Event was not my favorite Apple event. I'll even say that it was the worst Apple event ever. I haven't rewatched the keynote (probably never will) and haven't read any reviews of the keynote. So here's my review.

  1. Tim Cook decided to hold the event in a different place from where they usually did in the past. This resulted in a terrible streaming quality where I completely missed what's so great about the new iPhones.
  2. Apple was trying to explain to developers that they should have Localizable.strings (Chinese) file in their app by hiring a Chinese lady to speak non-stop louder than Phil Schiller.
  3. iPhone 6 is amazing. Freeze. Claps. Mute. Repeat.
  4. Tim Cook disappointed when nobody recognized the voice of Justin Timberlake.
  5. Something exciting about paying things with iPhone. In US only. Because other countries are secondary. Except China. China got the unstoppable live translation.
  6. PAY requires you to still pay for things you buy. Much innovation.
  7. Jony Ive had pimples problem that they removed him from his white room prison.
  8. Apple brought "One More Thing" back from the grave.
  9. Apple revealed a watch because that's what the society needs right now.
  10. iTime? iWatch? iPrefix is so last year that Apple chose Unicode Symbol as prefix from now on.
  11. Digital Crown on WATCH (ALL CAPITAL, PLEASE) because calling it Dial sounds so cheap.
  12. An ex-Adobe Bill Gates doppelgänger demoed WATCH where he hardly use the innovative Digital Crown and touch the screen most of the time instead. Tim will be pissed.
  13. Apple invented new way of communication without words via the WATCH. Because F__K words. Pre-historic way of communicating is the trend of the future.
  14. YOUTUBE ON STAGE! Oh, it's U2. Misheard thanks to poor quality streaming.
  15. Tim Cook and U2 slapstick was so bad that everyone wished the Chinese lady started talking again.
  16. FREE U2 ALBUM FOR EVERYONE! Not sure if you can delete it from your iTunes library though.
  17. That white structure? Yeah, nothing special about it.
  18. No Craig Federighi.
  19. Still no Macbook Air 11" Retina Display.

I think the Reality Distortion Field has worn off on me.



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